It is not necessary to command
an army, carry an armed weapon, or have a black belt in martial
arts to instill fear in others. What most people fear most
of the time is being judged or rejected by others. Since
people are constantly judging, assessing and evaluating people
all the time, almost everyone lives under the unspoken awareness
that if they don't measure up to the expectations of others,
they are subject to the potential consequences of rejection.
No one enjoys being rejected. These potential consequences
include alienation, isolation, loneliness, sadness, and
discontent. Since everyone has experienced the hurt of
rejection and because no one wants to experience being hurt
again, people are very sophisticated at minimizing their
vulnerability if not avoiding rejection all together.
Many people's lives are
completely dominated by seeking after the approval and
acceptance of others. Such behavior stands out in
adolescence, when high-school students are developing the social
skills that will carry them into adulthood. In
high-school, popularity has life and death consequences.
Being accepted or rejected by a clique of friends can define a
person's very identity.
Since everyone has the ability
to judge and reject others, even you are someone who
instills fear in others. People in your life are afraid
that you may one day tell them what you really think
about them giving life to their worst fears, rational or
otherwise, of inadequacy, insecurity, and unworthiness.
The point is not whether you really think such things or not.
Nor does it matter whether such assessments would even be
warranted. Rather, the fact that you are capable of
thinking such things and therefore capable of inflicting the
potential harm associated with judgment and rejection is enough
make people afraid of you.
